Welcome to Learn to Thrive with ADHD. This is the podcast for adults with ADHD or ADHD-like symptoms. I’m your host, coach, Mande John. I’m here to make your life with ADHD easier. Let’s get started, all right.

So with me today I have Cami and Cami and I have been working together with ADHD Coaching I think we decided it was just over a year or now, right, yep, may last year, okay, so I have some questions here that I’m going to ask Cami about, and my goal with these episodes where I bring on my clients is for you in YouTube or if you’re watching there or if you’re on the podcast, what I want you to do is get to know these people, and what I love working with all of my different clients is how much we are all so similar, and I think through these formats, you’ll start to see yourself in these people and people like Cami.

So, I’m just going to ask some questions about her ADHD and about life, and we’re just going to have a conversation here. So, what would you say is the most interesting thing about you that you attribute to ADHD?

Cami

Something that’s really different about me than most people is I do something called post-Caribbean. I have my husband and I have a personal disability that lives with us, and he’s been living with us for about eight years.

Before I did that, I ran a restaurant program for people with disabilities and before that, like I pretty much have worked with people with disabilities, since I was in high school, and I think that growing up with undiagnosed ADHD has given me a level of empathy for different walks of life and just.

I don’t necessarily think I would have been open to this type of work even though it’s not like my, it’s not my work anymore, it’s just how I would have lived had I not had the background of just like knowing that something was not right.

Mande

Okay and you mentioned you went you had undiagnosed ADHD. Tell us how you found you had ADHD.

Cami

Okay, I mentioned that I ran a restaurant program for people with disabilities and with that job I was able to attend different conferences and stuff on mental conferences.

So, I went to a symposium on ADHD and went to the autism conference. Several others that I can’t remember right now, but the symposium on ADHD really was eye-opening and I remember sitting through each of the classes just going like okay, so this isn’t this thing that we’re talking about right now.

This isn’t something that is totally normal and happens all the time to everybody. So, when I went home, it was a pretty eye-opening conversation with my husband, who also has a history of working in mental health about, hey, maybe I think I might have ADHD.

It’s like, yeah, it’s great that you’ve come to this introduction. I was 24 when this all went down.

Mande

Yeah, how old did you say you were 24. 24. Okay.

What inspired you and will you talk let’s talk really quick about how it was affecting your life.

Cami

As an ADHD or I tend to be a fairly upbeat person and I laugh at inappropriate times and I have those aspects that kind of like, kept my spirits high, but I also had a lot of people in my life telling me that I had so much potential and that why weren’t my greats, that are my potentials there and so smart, and yeah, but there’s all the stuff and I can’t do them all the things and then just kind of the shame cycles that come with that. I think that really is what it kind of boils down to.

Yeah, having this, whatever we want to call it ability, disability some people think it’s really positive, some people think it’s really negative. For me personally it’s been extremely difficult and all the good things about it make me fun to be around. But as far as day-to-day life goes, it’s a constant battle.

Mande

Yeah, and you mentioned when we were talking before. You mentioned over well, I know that was a huge one. For me too, it’s just feeling constant over well.

Cami

Yeah, it’s just. There’s just so many things that have to be done and okay, that’s fine, they can need to be done.

I can’t do them so yeah, it’s pretty much how it was, like there never been one that really particularly enjoys cleaning, and but, however, I like things clean. I’m a human person, so I like things around me to be clean.

I like things to be organized, but there was no way for me to go from point A to point B how to organize anything, or it was a constant cultivation of things that I wanted to do or things that I thought that I would enjoy, and so it was like having all of these aspects of my life that I want to take part in, but I just there’s not enough time or brain to go around to get the things clean and to do the things that I wanted to do and to spend time with all the people I wanted to spend time with and to get the work done that I somehow have to fit in somewhere between all of those things, and so it was just, yeah, constant over well.

Mande

So, what inspired you to seek out ADHD coaching?

Cami

My job now. I am a mortgage broker and, if you can imagine, that’s not the easiest job to do with ADHD. The other part of it is that I work from home and when I’m going to an office I don’t know if we want to just jump in and call the body doubling or whatever it is.

Having other people working around me was something that was helpful, and then when I transferred to a different company, I’m working from home all of a sudden I didn’t have that energy around me to work off of and have kind of drive me through my day and I would sit down to work and then I would notice something around my desk that needed to be done, or think about laundry that needs to be done, and I wasn’t able to get any work done.

Mande

How has working together with ADHD coaching helped you so far?

Cami

So many ways. There is a complete as far as, like my brain, there’s a total mind shift. We constantly talk about different ways to look at things and turns out, if you talk about it for long enough, it kind of starts sinking in and becomes an internal monologue. So that’s been helpful. There’s definitely the change in like positive self-talk instead of negative self-talk.

It has really been life changing. But that sounds really corny, so take it However you want. There’s been a huge change in like deciding what is enough. So before it was like there’s an entire list I guess that’s a thousand pages long of all of the things that need to be done period, or done on a daily basis, or done weekly, done monthly and throwing that out the window and having permission to giving myself permission to throw that out the window and make my own list of what my bare minimums are and what the things I do to accomplish in a day and actually make that day a success.

Changing the definition of that has been really amazing as well.

Mande

I think that helps with over and well with a lot of people that deciding what’s enough. I work with almost everybody on that because, like you said, it can just be an unlimited. There are so many things to do, there’s so many things we need to do. It can be unlimited unless we put a limit on it.

Cami

Yeah, I think a huge part of your, of your coaching, and what has made it successful for me is just letting me know, notifying me that I can give myself permission to do that. Really, just change the game.

Mande

A lot kind of takes care of the next question, like what was your biggest aha from coaching? Would you say that that’s it?

Cami

That was probably. Yeah, that would probably be it the fact that I can, I get to, I get to decide what is considered a success in my life and I get to decide what is required and it makes you feel a whole lot less like failure.

Mande

What’s a specific accomplishment that you’ve achieved in our time together?

Cami

That’s the hardest question for you to ask me because I don’t know. As a person with ADHD, when you ask me that question, my brain just reverts to their accomplishment.

Mande

One thing that we had talked about here pretty recently was you’re like, I’m working, and the fact that you went from not doing the work that you would have liked to have done to working.

Cami

Yeah, like every day I’m sitting in my chair. It’s come crazy. That’s what it’s so hard about, I don’t know. I think, like work from home and having the option is absolutely amazing. I think it is incredible that that is what it is an option, and for myself I definitely wouldn’t have it any other way.

But there are substantial difficulties that come with that, and it really did take a lot of not only working through replacing motivation with habits but changing the physical room to make it something that I want to walk into, because we talked about a few months ago.

When I walk into my office, I have to walk around my desk and that’s super uncomfortable. I just want to walk around my desk because I have to show me past this thing, and it just is an automatic. It’s a block there. Whether I recognize it as a block or not, it will keep me from going to sit down at my desk and doing what I need to do, and so changing it so that I walk in the door and I can come straight to my chair.

And that’s how mental this disorder I don’t know what it is appropriate to call it these days but it really is a matter of analyzing every tiny little thing about whatever it is that you can’t do and figure out why it’s uncomfortable, and I don’t remember what the question was, but I feel like that was a huge breakthrough.

Mande

What we’re talking about here is just like micro annoyances, and we don’t realize how much those will stop us. And sometimes, you know, I tell people we’re going to change. You know your habits, your structures and your routines. Well, sometimes it’s just a matter of changing the environment.

I had one client that kept collecting trash in her room and she just didn’t understand why this trash kept collecting in her room. And it was a simple question of like well, do you have a trash can in your room? No, so I think. I think you kind of covered this question, but what particular tool or thought process has really stayed with you?

Cami

So, I did think about this one specifically as something that I think about a lot actually, and it kind of goes back to giving yourself permission.

But I mean, we’ve talked a lot about either I would bring you some like obnoxious thing that happened that day, or whatever, and I would make a statement like but I always do this, or that’s why this person tells me in this way and you say, well, are you actually that way, or is that just the story that they’re telling you, or is that actually what’s happening, or is that the story that you’re telling yourself?

So, having the mind, the change of the way that I’m thinking, that I don’t have to believe my own thoughts or the stories that I tell myself or the stories that other people tell me, I can change the truth and or whatever my perception is of the truth, and that can also be true. Also, I have kept a mantra for quite a while that it’s very helpful for perfection kills progress, and I know we’ve talked about that a lot too.

We’re looking at a mountain in front of you, and if you can’t scale the whole mountain, then what’s the point of even trying a little bit? Or what’s the point of even starting if you can’t clean up the entire room right now and want to go and just having that shift as well of if it has to be perfect, it’s not going to get done at all, whereas if you take baby steps and do a little bit at a time and you’re still making progress and you think that has really also been a game changer.

This whole year has kind of been like epiphany after epiphany, which has been kind of uplifting and nice.

Mande

Oh good. What would be your advice to others who might be starting their journey with ADHD?

Cami

It’s a long journey. So, slow down that’s the hardest thing with ADHD is because we just like, we take in all the information, and we try, and you want to implement every single bit of information and every single life pro tip and everything that you hear.

And there’s so, especially right now on social media, there’s so many like influencers saying, hey, there’s this and hey, there’s this and you could do this. And I think taking each one of those with a grain of salt and letting it sink in over time is really important and not just like keeping a tally of oh, I need to be doing this this way because this is how my brain works, and I mean to be doing this this way because this is because my brain works this way, instead of like this.

And I think just slowing down and taking small steps towards the things that are the most impactful is what’s going to get you from having so much overwhelm but then also seeing more progress over time, then scrolling and seeing something and then implementing it for a day and then forgetting about it and moving on to the next thing that you see while you’re scrolling. But that’s really hard because that’s how wired, so you do you.

Mande

Okay, so we’ve been working together about a year, and you found me on Instagram. I do remember that because I was like I’m quitting Instagram. That’s where I found you. I still quit Instagram all the time. I think probably a good thing right now would be like is there anything else you can think of that you’d like to share.

Cami

So many things. Every day is a new day You’re always going to. I don’t know. We didn’t even get into ADHD tax and how you just like mess things up for yourself on a constant basis and have to go back and fix all your issues and not all your issues, but like the thing that you messed up but just I don’t know.

I guess the thing that I want other people with ADHD to know, and especially women with ADHD to know, is man, we all do it Like. I mean, we’ve talked about this recently. Last month alone, I cost myself almost $1,500 in ADHD tax and that was over two trips that I messed up and I’m not allowed to book the trips anymore.

So, it’s all. It’s all slowed down. It happens to all of us and just takes one day to make us.

Mande

Very good, very good. Well, let’s use this time now to share about you, like what are some projects you have going on. How can people connect with you?

Cami

If you want to follow me on Instagram, my like, my personal Instagram is @cambezz and my professional Instagram is @cambezzhomeruns. So that’s the place to get me is Instagram, because I don’t have the attention span to do TikTok at this moment, even though I keep telling myself I probably ought to do TikTok and I just have a hard time with video.

So, YouTube is probably the only place you’ll see me on YouTube.

Mande

All right. Well, thank you for being with me today, Cami, and this is our actually our second meeting today, because we had coaching earlier today, so we’re meeting again and I appreciate you being here, I appreciate you sharing and, yeah, thanks for thanks for doing this, thank you.

Cami

I appreciate you. Oh, thank you, thank you.

Mande

Thank you for your time and especially your attention today. If you haven’t looked into the ADHD Academy, you’ll want to do that.

This is my membership, with binge-able courses, weekly live coaching, new courses every month, a community of like-minded people and more.

Be sure to head over to www.LearnToThriveWithADHD.com/membership to get the details.

See you next week.