If you’ve ever struggled to maintain relationships because of your ADHD, especially with people who aren’t physically present in your daily life, this episode is for you. Join me and special guest Kari Bates as we explore why maintaining connections is so challenging with ADHD and share practical strategies to overcome the “out of sight, out of mind” phenomenon. We dive into the guilt and shame that often accompanies forgotten texts and calls, and offer ADHD-friendly solutions that don’t rely on perfect memory.
What you’ll learn:
- Why ADHD brains struggle with “out of sight, out of mind” relationships
- How to handle the guilt that comes with forgotten communication
- The power of responding immediately when someone comes to mind
- Why creating lists of important people isn’t ridiculous—it’s strategic
- How to build regular connection points that work with (not against) your ADHD
- The value of accepting your ADHD brain while continuing to improve
- Why dropping defensiveness is crucial when adult children express hurt
- How simple, low-pressure ways to connect can maintain meaningful relationships
Relationship Managing Techniques:
- Act immediately when someone comes to mind instead of putting it off
- Create a dedicated list of important people to check in with regularly
- Establish consistent connection points (like weekly family Zoom calls)
- Use simple connection methods (GIFs, photos, quick texts) to reduce barriers
- Let go of perfectionism and focus on consistent effort
- Normalize whatever systems you need to remember important relationships
- View guilt as a signal that you’re going against your values, not as a weapon against yourself
- Accept that this will be an ongoing practice, not a one-time fix
“It’s never going to be a thing that you solve and done and it’s never a problem for you forever. It’s one of those things that you keep working at, you keep coming back to it when you need to come back to it.” – Kari Bates
Relationship Maintenance vs. Perfect Communication
Discover why this isn’t about becoming the perfect communicator but about understanding the mechanisms behind ADHD’s impact on relationships and learning specific techniques to work with your brain. I share my own struggles with staying connected to my adult son despite how much I care, and Kari explains how these principles apply to any relationship – from adult children to friends to extended family.
About Kari Bates:
Kari is a coach who specializes in helping parents maintain and rebuild relationships with their adult children. After experiencing her own falling out with her oldest child, Kari found coaching that helped her repair that relationship and transform her approach to parenting adult children. With a bachelor’s degree in relationships and specialized coaching training, Kari now helps other parents navigate the complex transition from raising children to relating to them as independent adults.
Resources:
Connect with Kari:
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karibates/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kariannebates/
- Website: https://coachkaribates.com/
Connect with Me:
- Learn more about private coaching: https://learntothrivewithadhd.com/services/
- Free Today List Prioritization Sheet: http://www.learntothrivewithadhd.com/prioritylist
- Free Resources: https://learntothrivewithadhd.com/freeresources/
- Website: https://www.learntothrivewithadhd.com/
- LinkTree: https://linktr.ee/learntothrivewithadhd
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/learntothrivewithadhd/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/learntothrivewithadhd/
This episode is essential for anyone with ADHD who struggles with maintaining relationships. Remember: these techniques get easier with practice, and even small improvements can lead to significant changes in how you stay connected to the people who matter most.
Share in the comments: Which relationship maintenance technique will you try this week?
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