Are you waiting for your life to calm down before you actually start living it?
If you have ADHD, you know this feeling all too well. The endless “I’ll start when I catch up.” The shame spiral after every crash. The exhausting belief that you have to be productive all day long just to count as someone who’s doing okay.
In this episode of Learn to Thrive with ADHD, Coach Mande John breaks down the most powerful ideas from Meditations for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman — and explains why these concepts are a total game changer for ADHD brains. This isn’t another “try harder” episode. It’s about finally giving your ADHD brain permission to stop striving – and actually start living.
What Is “Meditations for Mortals” and Why Does It Matter for ADHD?
Meditations for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman is a short, daily-read book designed to be consumed in small chunks over four weeks. At just four hours on Audible, it’s already one of the most ADHD-friendly books out there. But it’s not just the format that makes it special — it’s the core message. Burkeman challenges the idea that we have to do everything, fix everything, and have it all together before we’re allowed to enjoy life. For adults with ADHD? That permission alone can be life-changing.
Letting Go of Perfection With ADHD
One of the biggest themes in the book is what Burkeman calls the liberation of defeat — the idea that realising you can’t do everything isn’t failure. It’s freedom.
For ADHD brains, this hits especially hard. So many of us are stuck in a cycle of setting impossibly high standards, crashing when we can’t meet them, and then spiraling into shame. Sound familiar?
The message here isn’t “try harder.” It’s stop demanding the impossible from yourself. And once you loosen that grip on perfection? You can actually start moving again.
Letting Go of Perfection Starts With One Small Step: ADHD Task Initiation
Starting tasks is one of the biggest struggles for adults with ADHD — and it’s not because we’re lazy. It’s because our brains are wired to wait for the right mood, the perfect plan, or a burst of motivation before beginning.
Burkeman’s solution is beautifully simple: just do the thing once. Not forever. Not perfectly. Just once.
Write a few words. Send one email. Put away five items. Take one small step.
This reframe is a game changer for ADHD task initiation because it removes all the pressure around starting. And for ADHD brains? Starting is almost always the hardest part — not the task itself.
ADHD and Living in the Present Moment
One of the sneakiest ADHD traps is the belief that life will only really begin once everything is sorted. Once the inbox is clear. Once you’ve “caught up.” Once you finally have it all together. Letting go of perfection also means letting go of the idea that life has to be sorted before it counts.
But here’s the truth: catching up is a moving target. If you’re always chasing a future version of peace, you never get to experience peace right now.
Coach Mande puts it gently but clearly: right now counts. Today counts. This version of you counts — even if the laundry’s on the floor and your inbox is chaos. You don’t have to wait to be “fixed” to start living
The ADHD Energy Window: Why You Don’t Have to Be “On” All Day
Here’s something that might just change everything for you: most humans only have 3–4 hours of truly focused energy per day. Burkeman highlights this, and for ADHD brains, it’s a total reframe.
So many adults with ADHD judge themselves for not being productive 8–10 hours straight. But that’s not how most brains work — and it’s especially not how ADHD brains work.
Instead of fighting this, Coach Mande encourages you to identify your own peak hours and protect them for your most important tasks. The rest of the day? That’s where your “brain dead activities” come in — tasks that need doing but don’t require serious focus, like sorting email, tidying, or running errands.
This is about working with your natural energy patterns, not against them.
Starting From Sanity: A New Way to Think About ADHD and Peace
A lot of ADHD brains live in “I’ll feel calm when everything is handled” mode. But that day never comes — because life keeps adding to the pile, and ADHD adds extra layers on top.
Burkeman flips this completely. He suggests that you start from sanity — meaning peace isn’t something you earn after you finish everything. Peace can be your starting point.
You can choose to feel okay first. Then move forward from there. Even if things aren’t done. Even if you’re still figuring it out.
For adults with ADHD who are constantly chasing calm as a reward? This reframe is everything.
ADHD and Emotional Boundaries: Letting Others Have Their Feelings
Many adults with ADHD are deeply empathetic — and that’s a beautiful thing. But empathy can easily tip into over-responsibility, especially when it comes to other people’s emotions.
Burkeman reminds us: it’s okay to let people have their own feelings. It’s okay to let someone be disappointed without jumping in to fix it. You can care without taking on everyone else’s experience.
Coach Mande shares a personal story about being coached on this exact pattern — realising she’d been so focused on everyone else’s feelings that she’d completely left her own out of the picture.
That boundary isn’t selfish. It’s healthy. It’s freedom.
Why Letting Go of Perfection Through Small Completions Works for ADHD
If you have ADHD, you probably know what it feels like to have a thousand tabs open in your brain. Half-finished projects. Loose ends everywhere. And all that unfinished stuff? It quietly drains your energy.
Burkeman talks about the magic of completion — how finishing things, even imperfectly, actually gives you energy instead of taking it away.
The invitation here isn’t to become a perfectly organised person. It’s to define what “done” means for you and let yourself complete small things on purpose.
Because small completions build trust with yourself. They create momentum. They reduce mental clutter. And you deserve credit for every single one.
Key Takeaway: You’re Not Behind
You don’t have to read the whole book to benefit from these ideas. Just applying one or two of these principles can shift your entire day. Try doing one small thing without worrying about perfection. Give yourself permission to focus on just a few deep hours of work. Start from peace instead of chasing it. Let other people have their feelings. Finish one tiny thing so your brain can exhale.
And most importantly – you’re not behind. You’re human. And you’re doing better than you think.
📖 Book Mentioned Meditations for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman — available on Audible (~4 hours). Designed to be read in small daily bites. Perfect for ADHD brains.
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Is This Episode for You? ✓ if…
✓ You’re stuck in “I’ll start living when I catch up” mode
✓ You struggle with ADHD task initiation and don’t know where to begin
✓ You judge yourself for not being productive all day long
✓ You have a trail of unfinished projects quietly draining your energy
✓ You over-function for everyone around you but forget about yourself
✓ You need someone to remind you that rest is okay too
✓ You want ADHD strategies that don’t require perfection
👉 Ready to work with your ADHD brain instead of against it? Book a free coaching consultation with Coach Mande at learntothrivewithadhd.com/services
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