“I hate my ADHD.”

It’s a phrase I hear often in my coaching practice—a raw expression of frustration, exhaustion, and sometimes despair. If you’ve ever felt trapped by your neurodivergent brain, you’re not alone. The challenge isn’t in feeling these emotions—they’re valid and real—but in recognizing how our thoughts about ADHD shape our experience of it.

The way we think about our ADHD can either empower us or keep us stuck in cycles of self-blame and limitation. Today, I want to explore this relationship between our thoughts and our lived experience, and offer some approaches that have helped my clients find a more productive middle ground.

The Hidden Cost of Negative ADHD Self-Talk

A young man I worked with recently held such deep resentment toward his ADHD that it had become a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more he focused on what ADHD “took” from him, the less capable he felt, and the more evidence he gathered to support his negative beliefs.

Research from the field of neuroscience shows that persistent negative thoughts actually form neural pathways that strengthen over time. In practical terms, this means that constantly thinking “I hate my ADHD” or “ADHD makes everything impossible” literally trains your brain to notice evidence that supports these beliefs.

This isn’t just psychological—it’s neurological. These thought patterns can:

• Reduce motivation
• Increase stress hormones
• Impair executive function even further
• Lower resilience when facing challenges

Finding the Middle Ground: Beyond Toxic Positivity

The solution isn’t to force yourself to “love your ADHD” or to plaster over real struggles with empty affirmations. That approach—sometimes called toxic positivity—can be just as harmful as negative self-talk because it invalidates real challenges.

As I often tell my clients, you don’t need to see your ADHD as a “superpower” to live a fulfilling life with it. Instead, what if we aimed for something more accessible and honest: a neutral perspective?

I’ve maintained a neutral-to-positive view of my own ADHD throughout my life. I appreciate my ability to hyperfocus when engaged with meaningful projects. I value my brain’s capacity for generating creative ideas and making unexpected connections. At the same time, I acknowledge the very real challenges that come with executive function differences.

A Three-Step Process for Reframing ADHD Thoughts

If you find yourself stuck in negative thought patterns about your ADHD, here’s a process that has helped many of my clients shift toward a more empowering perspective:

1. Notice Your Thoughts

The first step is simply becoming aware of what you’re telling yourself about your ADHD. Most of these thoughts happen so automatically that we don’t even realize they’re there—they’ve become our background operating system.

Practical approaches:

• Keep a thought journal for a week
• Use voice recording apps to capture your self-talk
• Notice when you feel suddenly discouraged and trace back to the thought that preceded it

One client discovered she was thinking “This would be so easy for everyone else” dozens of times daily—a thought that left her feeling isolated and defective without her even realizing it.

2. Get Curious About Your Thoughts

Once you’ve identified these thoughts, approach them with curiosity rather than judgment. Ask yourself:

• Is this thought helping me or hurting me?
• Does this thought make me feel more in control or more powerless?
• Is this thought preventing me from taking action?
• Is this thought actually true, or is it an interpretation?

This questioning process helps create distance between you and your thoughts, allowing you to see them as mental events rather than absolute truths.

3. Shift One Thought at a Time

Instead of trying to jump from negative to positive (which can feel fake and unhelpful), focus on small movements toward neutral ground. I call this the “wiggle technique”—just wiggle the thought slightly in a better direction.

Examples:

• Instead of “I hate my ADHD,” try “My brain works differently, and that comes with challenges”
• Instead of “I’ll never be organized,” try “I’m learning what organization systems work for my brain”
• Instead of “ADHD ruins everything,” try “ADHD makes some things harder AND other things easier”

The “And” Statement: A Powerful Reframing Tool

One particularly effective technique is the “and statement.” This simple approach acknowledges difficulties while making room for other perspectives:

• “Living with ADHD is hard and I’m finding ways to work with my brain”
• “I struggle with time management and I’m capable of learning strategies that help”
• “My brain gets distracted easily and my brain also thinks creatively”

This approach honors your struggles without letting them define your entire experience.

Small Shifts, Big Impact

Reframing your relationship with ADHD doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process of small shifts that gradually change your internal landscape. With each small shift, you create more space for possibility and action.

A client who initially came to me saying “I hate my ADHD and it ruins everything” eventually shifted to “My brain works differently, and I’m learning what supports I need.” This subtle shift wasn’t just semantic—it completely transformed her approach to challenges. Rather than seeing herself as defective, she began to approach problems as puzzles to solve.

Within months, she had implemented several supportive systems and was taking action in areas where she’d previously felt paralyzed. The change wasn’t in her ADHD—it was in how she thought about it.

Your Invitation to Shift

Today, I invite you to identify just one thought about your ADHD that you’d like to shift. Remember, you’re not aiming for rainbows and unicorns—just a small “wiggle” toward a more empowering perspective.

What you think becomes your reality. By consciously choosing thoughts that create possibility rather than limitation, you reclaim your power to shape your experience with ADHD.

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What thought about ADHD would you like to reframe? Share your experience in the comments below—I respond to every comment and would love to continue this conversation.

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