Can we talk about consistency? Do you expect yourself to be consistent? Struggle with it?
I think expecting consistency of yourself is unfair, especially if you have ADHD. Let me offer you some other ways to think about it, and tell you what you can do instead—and still get the results you want.
Why Consistency Advice is Crushing People with ADHD
Consistency is the most oversold advice out there, and it’s crushing people with ADHD. 100%. It’s an unfair standard to try to live up to, and it just isn’t real.
I can hear you now: “Yes it is. I know someone who’s 100% consistent.” Maybe you even feel like that’s you in some ways.
Here’s what I’ve noticed: We can do pretty well in things we’re interested in. But once the interest fades, so does our consistency. And that’s why it feels unfair with ADHD. Our brains don’t run on steady fuel. We run on interest and energy, and those rise and fall.
That’s not failure. That’s reality.
The Definition That Makes You Cringe
Let’s talk about the actual definition of consistency: “marked by harmony, regularity, or steady continuity, free from variation or contradiction.”
Do you even want that? Do you want to be free from variation? On paper it sounds great, but in reality, with ADHD, it can feel suffocating.
And that’s why this word makes you cringe: Routine.
You know you need it. You even know it would help. But the word “routine” makes your brain itch.
Here’s the twist: The right routines don’t box you in. They give you freedom because they take decisions off your plate.
The “Mostly Consistent” Revolution
Here’s what I do with my clients: I set them up with routines so they can be mostly consistent.
Why?
- Mostly consistent is a lot better than they were doing before
- Once you get set in a routine, you don’t have to think anymore—you just do it
And that frees up brain space for the things you actually want to be thinking about.
The Comparison Trap
We blame ourselves when we can’t stay consistent. We feel lazy. We carry shame for something that isn’t actually our fault.
I believe we get caught up in a comparison trap with people who don’t have the same brain as us. As one client pointed out, they don’t show us the ways they aren’t consistent, so they look perfect.
That’s the trap: We compare our behind-the-scenes to their highlight reel. For most people, they’re not trying to look perfect. We just only see what they do well and what we’re doing poorly.
If Consistency is Off the Table, What Do We Do Instead?
Step 1: Reconnect with Your Wants
Have you stopped wanting things for yourself? It happens to so many of us. Either you get too focused on those around you, or you tried some things and they didn’t work out. The pain made you decide: “If I just stop wanting, it doesn’t hurt.”
If that’s you, don’t worry. What I’m sharing next prevents that pain from happening.
Sit down with yourself. If you could do anything, if you couldn’t fail, if nothing was too big or too costly (money or time), what would you want? How can you have some version of that in the next year?
Step 2: Set Minimums and Maximums
What’s the least I need to do that still counts? And what’s the most?
Examples:
- Exercise: Walk for 5 minutes (minimum) or weight train full body (maximum)
- Relationships: Send a text (minimum) or plan a full day together (maximum)
This is how you avoid all-or-nothing thinking and keep moving forward.
Step 3: Make it Routine (Where It Fits Easily)
When is it easiest for you to do? If you’re like most of us, you run out of mental or physical energy at certain times of the day. Don’t do new or hard stuff at those times.
Step 4: Track It (Because Your Brain Will Lie)
Here’s an example from my life: I worked out consistently for more than four weeks, then was off for nearly a week, maybe two. I legitimately forgot about the four weeks and could only focus on the time I was off. I had decided I was failing at this goal and might as well quit.
Then I looked at the calendar and counted the weeks from when I started. I couldn’t believe it. Even though I knew at the end of each week I was working out consistently, I couldn’t pull that memory up when it would have helped me.
But I had a start date and an app where I tracked my workouts. Make your tracking easy and visible because your brain will lie.
The Art of the “Baby Quit”
You can want to quit, and you can even “baby quit”—my version of the tiny quit for a small period of time. A baby quit is like hitting pause. Pulling back for a short time but not giving up completely.
Quitting completely is not an option. And if that’s true, what does that mean? You might as well keep trying.
There is nothing good I’ve done that didn’t require a lot of quitting and restarting. Even in my most important relationships with my husband and children, I have versions of quitting and restarting.
Some days I just don’t want to be a loving wife. I’m in a bad mood, exhausted, or everything he does is irritating that day. On those days, I might baby quit—keep more to myself, not really participate in the relationship. But I’m not getting a divorce, right?
These moments actually show me who I want to be in these relationships. Never do I come out of a funk like this and think, “Yep, that’s how I wanted to show up.” I learn more about who and how I want to be. It’s actually growth that looks like quitting.
Failure is Just Information
I promise you, every time you quit and restart, you’re getting better. You’re becoming more of who you want to be. Consistency isn’t about never quitting. It’s about what you do after you quit.
When you break a streak or quit for a week or month, the only real failure is quitting for good. And that usually comes down to how you talk to yourself in those moments.
Decide ahead of time what you’ll say to yourself when you miss, when you aren’t consistent. Because that voice will either pick you back up or end you.
Real Example: The Pool Intention
I told my accountability coach I’d go to the pool in the evening for fun. First day, I completely forgot—even though I said I would go. So I tweaked where I was putting those intentions, making them visible where I couldn’t forget.
Second evening, I stayed at our gym office later than planned and didn’t have time. Was that failure or inconsistency? Or was I just learning that the pool on weekdays wasn’t realistic for me?
That’s the thing: Failure isn’t the end. It’s information. It’s feedback that helps you adjust and keep going.
Your Next Step
Ask yourself today: Where can you show up one more time, even if you’ve quit before?
Remember:
- ADHD brains run on dopamine and novelty, not steady motivation
- Inconsistency isn’t a personality flaw—it’s how we’re wired
- “Mostly consistent” is better than not trying
- Every quit-and-restart makes you better
- Failure is just information
Consistency isn’t about perfection. It’s about trying again and again.
What’s one area where you can practice “mostly consistent” instead of perfect? Share below—let’s normalize the real journey.
Have a question about consistency with ADHD? Leave me a voice message at speakpipe.com/learntothrivewithadhd and I might feature it in a future episode!
