Have you ever wondered if you’ll ever really change after trying and failing repeatedly? In this episode, Coach Mande explores why ADHD brains cycle through patterns of trying, failing, and restarting – and why that persistent desire is actually proof that transformation is still possible.
Key Topics Covered
The Truth About Non-Linear Change
- Why ADHD brains rarely change in a straight line
- The cycle: start strong → forget → burn out → get inspired again
- How we make slip-ups mean something about our character
Reframing “Failure”
- Key insight: “If you didn’t care, it wouldn’t hurt”
- Pain when falling off track = proof of desire, not proof of incapability
- The difference between giving up and taking a break
The 4-Step Recommit Process
- Check In: Do I still want this?
- Review: What made it hard? What tripped me up this time?
- Revise: What needs to shift – environment, support, expectation?
- Recommit: I still want this. I’m allowed to try again.
Personal Examples from Coach Mande
Changes that took multiple attempts:
- Following a calendar
- Not eating in front of the TV
- Leaving car clean when leaving it
- Cutting out sugar, flour, and grains
- Stopping impulsive spending
- Reducing late-night TV
- Not drinking caffeine after noon
- Not grabbing phone first thing in morning
- Current work in progress: Becoming a person who exercises daily
Overcoming the Fear of Falling Back
- Common fear: “Why bother? I always mess it up eventually”
- Mindset shift: Instead of fearing falling back, remember you know how to come back
- You’ve made the map – even if you forget the route, it’s still there
The Underground Transformation
- Change happens “underground” during the in-between spaces
- You’re not starting over – you’re starting deeper
- Taking your same brain with you wherever you go
Key Quotes
- “If you didn’t care, it wouldn’t hurt. That pain you feel when you fall off track? It’s not failure. It’s proof of your desire.”
- “Trying and failing is not the exception – it’s the rule.”
- “Instead of fearing I’ll fall back, I remind myself: I know how to come back.”
- “You’re not starting over. You’re starting deeper.”
Action Steps
- Identify one change you still want to make despite past “failures”
- Practice the 4-step recommit process
- Reframe your persistent desire as evidence of your capability
- Remember: discomfort with not following through means you still care
Resources Mentioned
- “Failing Forward” by John Maxwell
- Episode 26: Being in a Hurry to Change
Connect with Coach Mande
- Learn more about private coaching: https://learntothrivewithadhd.com/services/
- Free Resources: https://learntothrivewithadhd.com/freeresources/
- Website: https://www.learntothrivewithadhd.com/
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