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Check out this awesome chat where Stephanie McKeon & Mande John two ADHD coaches share their stories and tips. They know a lot about ADHD, feeling anxious, and trying to be perfect.
If you're dealing with any of these things, this episode is packed with ideas and stories just for you.
What you'll learn:
How ADHD, worry, and trying to be perfect all mix together and what you can do about it.
Easy tips to get better at planning, staying calm, and feeling happier.
Why it's important to understand your feelings and how that can make life less stressful.
Advice from two coaches on how to tackle ADHD challenges in everyday life.
How being your true self can make you happier and more at peace.
"When we get to really know our ADHD, we discover our superpowers. Being true to who we are makes life brighter and full of joy." Stephanie McKeon
Stephanie McKeon's Bio:
Stephanie remembers struggling with anxiety for as long as she can remember, even as a very young child. A few years ago, Stephanie sought out coaching to learn how to handle her anxiety even slightly better (one could argue that she was not, in fact, handling it at all).
She was no stranger to panic attacks, and was always able to find a reason to be anxious in any situation. Coaching helped her anxiety so much that in 2022, Stephanie also became a certified life coach. She wanted to be able to help others increase their zest for life by decreasing their anxiety, just as she had.
Despite suspecting that she had ADHD for many years, getting diagnosed as severely ADHD came as a bit of a shock. She went to work processing this using the priceless tools she gained as a life coach, and quickly discovered a passion in helping others do the same.
Stephanie's background includes work in theology, psychology, and philosophy. In true ADHD fashion, her interests are multi-faceted, and include reading, learning anything about anything, documentaries, traveling, music and exercising.
These days, Stephanie handles her anxiety (when it happens) with self-care, and addresses her emotions rather than ignoring them - something she didn't know was a possibility!
Useful links mentioned:
Follow Stephanie on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/stephaniemckeon.coach/
Stephanie's website: https://www.stephaniemckeon.com/
Learn To Thrive With ADHD on YouTube
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Click here to read the transcript:
All right. Welcome back, guys. Today, I am so excited to bring you another ADHD coach. We actually met. So this is Stephanie. Can you say your last name? Stephanie? I don't want to be an MC here. Yeah, and she told a cute little thing like, imagine putting your Kindle in the door. And I'm like, Oh, that's a great way to remember it.
So we met in this wonderful group that Jessica Blake put together with All Life Coach School certified coaches. And I was in there for a while and then I saw Stephanie pop in and we can go in there and we can schedule coaching with each other. So it's this great service. We all have kind of, you know, we're all unique and special, but we all have kind of that same basis philosophy, being trained in the same certification.
So that's wonderful. But when I saw another ADHD coach pop it and I got so excited because I love talking to ADHD coaches certified through the life coach school. And the reason for that is I always tell people in consultations when they get in a consultation with me to work together, one on one or join the group that I have.
I always tell them, like we as ADHD coaches and Stephanie might explain this a little bit different, but what I say is we have like two different areas. We have the executive function skills that we're working on and the ways that we're working on that. And I, I say like there's habits, structures and routines to work on that and then there's tools and we are trying out lots of different tools to basically build you your own little toolbox of things.
You can go to when you're having challenges and to help build those things up. And it sounds like a great idea to like make these changes and then you start to make them and you've noticed like you'll go a day, you'll go two days, maybe a week, and then you're like, This is terrible. And it's because you're working against your brain's priorities, which is to keep you safe, conserve energy, then keep it does that by keeping everything the same, even if what?
The same is doesn't really work for you and it's going to seek pleasure and avoid pain. All right. So what Stephanie and I have that these other ADHD coaches, when you search on the Internet, don't is we have this other side, which is the mine management side, and that is that there's a circumstance, you have a thought about it.
It makes you feel a certain way, and then you take or don't take certain actions and then you get the results that you get in your life. And it's true for everything. And some coaches explain it in different ways. Some coaches explain it as the model. Some coaches will help you. I know, like Corinne Crabtree calls it the think, feel do cycle and it's really it's really all the same thing.
You'll read it in books. It's not something that that was made up through the life coach school. It's just the facts of life. Our thoughts create our feelings. And so we have that piece and we're able to help people so much more effectively because we have both. But I wanted to at this point, I want to let Stephanie introduce herself and just tell a little bit about exactly who you work with and just a little bit about yourself.
That would be great. Oh, thank you. I'm so excited to be here. So I work primarily with adult ADHD, those who have anxiety and perfectionism, those are kind of the two main things, some people pleasing. Also, I love what I do. Ever since I realized that I wanted to work with other people with ADHD, it just felt so right and so natural.
I have severe ADHD. When when I got diagnosed, my doctor said, You scored very high. You're you're really ADHD, you got an A and something you don't want to get up. And yeah, it didn't want to score high in this one. Thank you, doctor. So I think it was such a natural transition for me to start working with people who have dealt with the same things that I dealt with and kind of bring them along.
The journey to being acceptance of acceptance, to accepting your ADHD. So it sounds good to me rather than kind of pushing up against it and being resistant because that just doesn't it doesn't help yourself to to do that. It really you got to get to a place of acceptance so that you can kind of be who you actually are.
No, no, I love that. So something that I was curious about and if if you had been certified before me and like five years ago, I would have been your ideal client, I was dealing with severe anxiety. I was trying to be a recovering perfectionist. But every time I would say I was that, I was like, But you still are and it does still pop up.
I don't think we ever get rid of it entirely, but you can get to a place where you just feel so much better. But one thing I was curious of and I felt like you would be the perfect person to ask this is why do you think so many of us with ADHD also suffer from perfectionism? What I find with myself even and the people that I work with is that we're all concerned about looking as best as we can, looking like we have our stuff together.
There's a lot of shame in being different than everybody else and having to work harder than everybody else just to achieve the same results. There's a lot of masking. We're just we're we're having to work so extra hard just to match what everybody around us is doing. And we're so afraid of being found out, being uncovered for who we actually are.
And so we just it's it's all a ploy to do what's expected of us and be who we're expected to be so that we're not we're not seen as how we really are. Yeah. So that reminds me of a story. This is our second recording guys. And so I told the story before, but that that is something I have said my whole life.
I feel like I have to work ten times harder than everybody else and to get like the same results they're getting. And I told the story of being AP class and we had this wonderful teacher, her name was Ms.. Donaghey. We would she would do all kinds of fun stuff. And she was teaching us like this dance routine and like, you know, she showed it to us and then it was like time to go through it.
And they were counting and I was having a hard time counting, you know, the eight counts. And so I'm like, already failing. And then she start, she like, takes us through it once. And some people got it. Some people were like on it. And she took us through it again. And then like half the class got it and then she took us through it again and it seemed like everybody except me and one other girl got it.
And I'm like, something is wrong with me. Like, I don't know if I if it was only in that area, I would be like, Well, you're just not a great dancer, you know, like that. It's not just in that area. It was in every area I struggled so much with, like math in high school. And then when I got to college and this is how I know it's the ADHD, because I struggled to understand basic Algebra I geometry was terrible for me, but I got good grades, like I made it work.
But when I got to college and took college algebra and taught myself, I would go to class. Then I would come home with the book and then the answer key and teach myself in my own way. Then I got an A-plus. I got the highest grade in the class. And in fact, there was one time that my professor actually got mad at me because he was trying to work out the problem on the board.
And in true ADHD fashion, I had figured out this completely different way to do it. And and he he kept trying to work it out and he was getting frustrated. And I'm like, actually, that's incorrect. And he knew it wasn't right because he he knew the answer and he knew he wasn't coming to the solution. And I'm like, I raise my hand again.
I'm like, you just if you just did this, it'll come out to the right answer. And he's frustrated and he's like erasing it and starting over. And I'm like, But no, you don't understand. If you just do this, you'll get the right answer. And finally, he let me come up to the front of the class, which I'm like introvert, shy, like, okay, let's do it.
And so I go up to the front of the class and you have to understand, in this college class, I live in a small town. My high school Spanish teacher is sitting next to me taking this class. His wife is behind him like there are grown adults in this room and I'm pretty young. When I go up and I work it out.
And he's upset because that's not the way the books are to do it, right? And so, like, it's that thinking outside the box that's so beautiful that we have with ADHD and like in high school, obviously they just weren't teaching me in a way that my brain could learn. It wasn't that I couldn't learn, It wasn't that in college my brain was fully developed.
At this point, it doesn't develop fully until we're like 24 years old. And so it wasn't like I got more executive function skills or better working memory or anything like that. It just I needed to teach myself in the way that worked. But Stephanie had this hilarious story about ballet class. Can you tell them that story? Yes, absolutely.
And one thing that I wanted to say before telling that story is what you experience with the algebra is so I think encompassing of ADHD. People were so resourceful and innovative in our own way. As long as we we allow ourselves to not be put into the box that says that, you know, doing it in a totally different way, which it it's so true.
And I love that you were able to do that. So my ballet story and I told Mandy before we started recording that we had done our first recording and then I talked to my mom and she said, Oh no, there was more to that story. So when I was, gosh, I was probably five or six years old, you know, severe ADHD kid, lots of energy.
My parents put me in ballet class and I don't know how long I was in ballet class for, but not a very long time. When the teacher very nicely told my mom, maybe I should try something else, because all I wanted to do was talk and I wanted to make friends. I was very sociable. I did not care about the ballet, so my mom had to come get me and we had to find something else to do.
And at some other point, probably even just a few years later, I went and did gymnastics. Same outcome. Stephanie's really good at making friends. She's not really doing the gymnastics part of this. So I was kicked out. We like to tease that Stephanie was kicked out of ballet for being too nice and not wanting to pay attention. So it's funny now, right?
And and good thing you probably didn't understand what was happening at the time. You're just like, I guess I'm not doing ballet anymore.
Okay, So in true ADHD fashion is the way I always like to put it. I have this coaching business that I've built right where I work with clients one on one, and I have the ADHD Academy where I work with people and groups and there's courses in there and the group coaching several days a week and I have a gym.
That's another business that I have and I have three kids, one living out on his own, two still at home. And my husband manages two companies. So like he he's not there a lot to like help with these other things. In fact, my coaching business, he has no clue what he's like. Great. Good for you. I don't understand what you're doing.
I'm like, I just learned to do this journey in MailChimp. So the emails come out automatically and he's like, I don't understand that, but okay, good job. But Stephanie also is like has many irons in the fire. Yeah, I've learned very early on that life cannot be boring. I have to be doing lots of things all the time where I get restless.
It was true in college I had upwards of at one point like six different part time jobs in addition to school full time and, you know, social, all of the other things. But when, when I was going through certification, I was actually pregnant at the time, was already pregnant before I decided to go to certification and after the first meeting that we had, I was like, oh, I'm in probably way over my head with all of these things that I'm juggling.
But it's in like you said, in true ADHD fashion, I just can't do only one thing. It's my brain just can't. Yeah, yeah. And it's funny you mentioned jobs, because when I was in high school, I went through life Coach, I coach. I'm sorry. Life lifeguard certification. That's what I was trying to say. I went through lifeguard certification and got hired on as a lifeguard at the pool at the high school and wasn't a strong swimmer but was like, dedicated.
And so, like, I made it work and I was doing that job for like a couple of years. And at one point, like, like seventies talking about I was not six jobs, but I was working as a lifeguard at the pool during the day, in the heat, in the sun, in the desert. So imagine that. And then I got hired on at a private pool where I worked right after I got done with the high school pool.
So I go in in the morning at the high school pool till like I think about 2:00, and then I'd go open the other pool and I'd stay there till six. And I was the only lifeguard at the private pool, whereas at the first pool I got breaks, you know, we rotated things like that. And then I would come home, I would sleep for a couple of hours, and then I would go in for the graveyard shifts at McDonald's.
And I was the drive thru girl. And there's a reason it's because with my ADHD brain, I was able to like, do a bunch of things at once. And maybe part of that's just being female too. But I would be like cleaning tables out in the lobby and have the headset on for the drive thru, take like two orders, go back to the register, put the orders and it's like, So not all of us have severe working memory issues, like when we're when we're motivated and when we're, you know, like staying busy I guess is what it was.
And then when I got bored with that, I taught myself the grill. And then once I learned to and this is when they actually cooked the things that McDonald's now they like microwave most of them. But I learned the grill had the guys and they'd only let the guys work the grill in our town. I don't know why it was weird, but had the guys teach me the grill.
And then I taught all the girls, the grill that wanted to learn the grill. And just for you. It's just funny how our brains work, but all that to be said, I got this award at Lifeguarding at the end of the year. We all got awards and mine had a candle burns at both ends and it was it that I was doing all these things because of the money.
Like, sure, I was going to be going to college and they needed some money, but it was really about that. It was just about like keeping my brain busy. And especially at that time in my life, I just had so much energy and I'm hyperactive. So those of you that are inattentive, you may not exactly relate to this.
You have all that energy here, right? Well, hyperactive. So we have all the energy here and here. So I, like, loved to run. I sometimes like my cousin and I would just be weirdos and like, run around like the church building if we had meetings that day. And I'm like, now I look back and I'm like, That's weird.
That's that's weird to just go randomly running around the building for no reason. But it's it's the ADHD. It's just being high. Yeah. So hopefully that's relatable for someone. But yeah. Did you have anything to add? Stephanie Well, yeah, so you're talking about and I think we talked about this previously, but the candle with both ends burning, we had talked about it each deeper and out in our last discussion.
And I think that it all kind of ties in with, with the perfectionism and trying to do so many things to kind of just keep up with everybody around us. I didn't even realize that this was a a true pattern for me. But I will go and go and go because I think there's all these things that I need to do, and I'm getting better at this now with my diagnosis and kind of catching it before it gets too bad where I'm burning myself out.
But I think when when we do all of the things constantly and trying to keep up with everybody around us without taking care of ourselves, that ADHD burnout is so common and people just don't even realize that that's what's going on, is we just have to slow down for a minute, which is very hard for us. Yeah, but we just have to do the things that take care of ourselves and not be trying to do all the things just so we can be okay with the people around us.
Yeah, And that takes me to something that I do with my clients all the time. If they tell me they're going to do a big project and I know this, I have learned this from like, life experience. You guys, they tell me they're going to do a big project. For example, I had a client just recently. She was going to clean her six year old son's room who has ADHD, and that's why she was going to clean it.
You know, as parents, we're like, let's teach our kids to do these things themselves. He has ADHD. You guys like things. He's going to go in there and start to pick up something and then play Legos and then play with the next thing he finds. I know I have one with ADHD, too, and so I know how this works.
Like you have to like either go in with them or just do it yourself. And so she was going to go and do it herself. And she sent me a picture of the room and I'm like, okay, how are we going to do this without exhausting ourselves? And that's always my question for all my clients, whether they're starting a business or doing a big project or organizing a room or, you know, whatever it is, when I know it's going to take a lot of hours, I'm like, What's the plan?
Because otherwise what they're going to do is they're going to go in just like I always did before I figured this out, taking care of myself, right? They're going to go in and they're going to go, okay, I'm going. I'm motivated. I can't lose this. I'm just going to keep going until it's done. And then by like our for they're sweaty and tired, but they not eaten or drank anything or rested.
And now they're going to go another 4 hours until it's done. And so we talked about this and she's like, okay, I'm going to take breaks every I think she said every hour. I don't recall exactly. And I'm going to make sure that I, you know, get some lunch and she, like, knew the drill. She's been with me for a long time.
And I said, great. And then I went out to dinner that night with my husband and I get a text and it's a before and after of this room. And it is an unbelievable difference. And I think she even said in the text, and I didn't exhaust myself. And so I just want you guys to watch for that one thing.
Also, I like to do with clients and Stephanie probably has some tools that she can offer here too, but I really like to decide what's enough and things that just can just go on and on. And where I discovered this was in the other business, I always point over here because if if you were in my town and you drove a straight line right there, that's where it would be in my other business with the gym.
I was running the office for many years for like two or three years of us owning it. I was the only one running the office and I could work all day long. There's always work to do. And I noticed I would like walk in the back gate. Our our gym has kind of like a backyard with like hammers and tires and things like that and a punching bag.
And so I'd walk in the back gate and then I walk into the back side of my office and I would just like feel heavy all of a sudden. And I'm like, What is wrong with you? Like, this business has been profitable. Day one. The clients are amazing. It's we've remodeled it in like, just be something that we just love.
We think it's so much fun, Like there's nothing bad, there's no downside. Like, of course, like there's some days you'd rather do something else than go into an office. But I'm like, This doesn't make sense, but I feel this way. And I'd gotten some coaching on it, and one of the coaches had helped me realize like, Well, how do you know when you're done?
And I'm like, Oh, I have no plan for when I'm done. Like it's like laundry or dishes or cleaning your house. Like you could go all day. And I was like, okay. And so I walked in that day and my husband happened to be there. He was sitting across from me and I'm like, Help me talk through this and let's decide all the things that need to be done in a day.
And then I'm done if I want to do more, great. If not, I've completed this list. So we made a list like this big and put it on a Post-it and I won't bore you with the things on the list, but they were very basic. And after that day I enjoyed coming into the office. It was like, Oh, they're my brain.
Never like, got to have that dopamine hit of like, you did a good job, you're finished. You completed the project. And once I had that, it was like, Oh, this feels so much better. I feel so good. And so I'm always working with my clients and I want those of you watching this to think about that. Like what in your life could just go on forever and you could like if you don't make a stopping point, you're never done because I know also being a perfectionist and having ADHD, when I would work jobs, I would go over and beyond like I was a substitute teacher, like a full time job over in Arizona.
And I say over in Arizona, it's like it's two miles away, you guys. It's just me right there. I'm in California, but Arizona is right there. And so I full time stopped in Arizona and I would stay until 6:00 at night grading papers for a classroom that was not mine. And it's just because I didn't have like that off switch once I was on.
But. Stephanie. Yeah. What do you what kind of tools do you have or what thoughts did you get from that? Yeah, you could probably see me writing several things down because I was like, Ooh, I have things I want to say. So one of the things, what you were talking about with you were feeling anxious going into the office and you were like, I really like this.
Why am I feeling anxious? I had a client who one time, well, I've worked with several people who kind of almost feel disconnected with their emotions. It's almost like we don't deal. We're not going to deal with those things because it's going to prevent you from getting the things done that I need to get done. One of my clients.
Oh, what did she say? Her as she said, emotions are inconvenient. And I just thought that's so true for us people with ADHD in particular, I think because, you know, we we like you said, we never turn off. My brain's always going. Your brain's always going. The ADHD brain, It just doesn't stop. And it's very hard to take a break to address those emotions.
One of the things that I worked with my clients is just especially those that are feeling disconnected is when you're feeling a particular way, what are you feeling in your body? Where is it? Is it faster? Is it slow? Because sometimes it's like, is this anxiety? Is this I can't think of another emotion. Is this excitement? Is it frustration lines?
Will you know what the feelings will is just perfection. And I love it so much. I should get a physical one. I always have one out. I should I should let people like actually see this like you are. You can't see the words on it. But the reason I have this, like, to Stephanie's point, like feeling so disconnected from your emotions when I first started getting coached, they're like, Well, how does that thought make you feel?
And I'm like, I don't know. Like, I don't understand the question. And because my feelings vocabulary was basically like sad, mad, happy. Yeah. Like anxious. Yeah. Overwhelmed. Exactly. So the feelings Will is just wonderful and it has helped me in my own self coaching and with clients so much So anybody who is doing any kind of coaching or any kind of feelings work, even just Google the the emotions will is incredible.
So I feel just let me pause because I just was going the disconnection from our emotions definitely something that I handle with my clients. And then what you were saying with the list that your husband helped you put together of like if nothing else, I'm going to do these things and if I want to be done, I can be done.
This is not something that I have yet implemented, but I've thought about it doing like an energy menu. So you have like on the days that I'm super low energy, the basics, like if I get nothing else done, these are the things I'm going to do, whether that's, you know, in house cleaning or just tidying or brushing my teeth or whatever, when I have like my most normal amount of energy.
These things are high energy. These are, you know, and you add up the things from the first list to all of them, but then you add more. And I think that's very useful for ADHD people because you can pick which menu you're going to do based on how you feel instead of it being always that the high energy menu when that's not realistic because we find our energy it it's a roller coaster from day to day and so I've not implemented that and I've not brought it up with any clients.
I've just seen it like on TikTok and places like that. But I think that's a very useful tactic to anybody who experiences those type of energy fluctuations. Yeah, and I do do this with clients and it's dependent on the client, what we call it, because they'll be having different issues. So there can be a lot of co-morbid issues with ADHD.
So sometimes I'll have clients that have like chronic pain, sometimes I'll have clients that are maybe in like a stage. Not that this is a career moment, but like or am I how do you say mobility? Yeah, there you go. They might be and like moving into menopause and so their energy is a little bit lower. Their hormones are kind of off.
I had one client that we put together a list found out later that it was because her vitamin D and her iron was very low and her medications she was on were lowering her blood pressure to a point that it was it was just way too low. And so she was having energy problems all the time. And so dependent on the client is dependent, what I call it.
But we put together a list of what they can do on those days that they're exhausted. I have a list personally because there are some days like I just maybe don't get a good night's sleep. And so I have a list of like really kind of, I like to call them, like brain dead activities that I can do those things that it's not really useful to do.
Like when you're on like maybe clearing up my desktop on my computer or organizing some files or just cleaning my desk. But what I, what I'm really, really exhausted, what I like to do. And I'm glad that we brought this up because we're sitting here talking about how, you know, how we're doing so many things and about how energetic we are.
But honestly, that's not how a lot of my clients come to me. A lot of my clients come to me overwhelmed and exhausted, and they just want to know how to get out of bed or how to get off the couch or, you know, those kind of things. And so I just I'm glad we talked about this because we're in a different space, right?
We're we're kind of like back to when we were kids because we've worked through a lot of the problems. Not to say that we don't have problems. We do. And we we know how to work on them and we get coached on them. But we've we've worked through a lot of this stuff so that we are back to the energy state right.
That we were we were in when we were kids before we got kind of broken down from life, from not fitting into into the proper box because of our ADHD. But when I have my really like exhausted days is what I would call them, I just like to ask myself a simple question instead of like referring to the list.
Sometimes. Sometimes I'll just ask myself, like, what can I do? And oftentimes it's like, okay, I can get up and I can put some laundry in, and then it's like, okay. And then I usually like, go rest, and I'll ask myself again, What can I do? I'm like, I can put some fish on a pan and salt and pepper it and put it in the oven and I can pull out a salad from the fridge because I was like, Make a big salad.
I really need to do like a video about all my food hacks because I also have a lot of clients coming to me going, I don't I don't like to cook and I do like to cook, but I have these things that make it simple for myself. I make a big salad every week. I make a big batch of scrambled eggs every week.
And that's like keeping it simple. I have a lot of clients. I have a hard time feeding themselves, so that's something we should touch on in the future. I won't go that far down that path, but just going back to that question of like, what can I do when maybe even you're just emotionally feeling like I'm so overwhelmed, there's nothing I can do or I'm so anxious I'm frozen or I'm depressed or I'm just so tired.
Just ask yourself that question. Like what is the one small thing I can do? And once you put yourself into motion and I'm not saying on those days I go and cook dinner and then I'm like fixed absolu lutely not. I probably go cook dinner, say good job and go lay down and watch Netflix. But at least I did something.
You wrote down something for me. Yeah. Yeah. Well, to your point too, I think not only did you do something, but you also did something nutritious for yourself that's going to aid you in your recovery and feeling better like long term instead of ordering DoorDash or getting a frozen meal because it's so easy. And a lot of us ADHD people are so not great at planning ahead for meals and all of those things.
So it's kind of like, what can I just do right now That's going to be quick and easy, But even if you can put some fish on a on a pan, salt and pepper it, cook it, you're feeding your body, you're getting some nutrition that's really going to help you in the long term. So I think that's great.
That's great advice. Let's see today, write down. Oh, I just wrote down your question of what can I do today? I think that's such a great question because again, to the shame that a lot of us feel is like even if you have a list of things on your low energy day, if you don't get to all of those things, you might feel like beating yourself up because, well, I didn't do even the bare minimum of the things that I said I was going to do or was going to do.
And so giving yourself the freedom and the grace really to be, what can I do? Okay, well, I can do these things and that's what I'm going to do instead of this premade list that is going to create shame within myself for no reason, really. But that's what we do. Yeah. And the list, the energy list that Stephanie is talking about, like that's just like I think you mentioned a menu.
It is. It's really like a menu that you can choose from, but you don't have to do any of those things. So that's that's not anything like I just want to make that clear so people don't confuse it with like maybe a to do list where and I have this whole thing I work with my clients on with shame because it's a it's not just list shame, it's also list anxiety.
But I have what I call a now not Now list. And what that is, is when it gets everything out of your brain. So everything that you're like, I should do this, I should learn this. I need to get back to this person. I should talk to my parents more. I should you know what? All these things that your brain's like, you should do these things.
Those all go down on a list, and you kind of hide this list from yourself. In my planner, what I do is I. I put my goals for the year in front of this list, and then I put a little half sheet in my planner and on that half sheet list, that's my now list. So now list means this is stuff that happens today.
And I go to my Not Now list and I go, okay, does any of this matter today? And that gets rid of that whole anxiety because you're like, it's just today there, you know, we got our blinders on. It's only today we're worried about we're not planning our week. We're not doing any of that just today. And it's like, okay, well, these five things matter today and you might find out you're wrong.
And then what I do and I'm going to do a whole video on how I plan, but then what I do is take those five things and plug them into the calendar. Do they fit? If they don't fit, guess what? I'm wrong. That doesn't actually matter today because I don't have enough time in the day and it can go on to tomorrow and it helps you prioritize too, because you're like, Oh, I thought this was more important, but actually this thing was more important.
So I was also doing something right before the call that a lot of us with ADHD do. And I was prepping. Remember, I make those scrambled eggs, so I was like making scrambled eggs. I was boiling some eggs. I was doing some food prep and there was other things to be done. And I knew I had a call with Stephanie and I was eating and I knew I had to call Stephanie in like 4 minutes.
And my brain was like, You can do one more thing. And I did one more thing. And I was like, You can do one more thing. And I'm like, You cannot do one more thing. And then I got on with Stephanie and I'm like, You know, I had to think about why I was doing that. And I'm like, Oh, I've not planned my day yet.
So my brain is just going all directions instead of going, being directed and understanding like how much time I have for things. So that's also like a really good tip. Yeah. What, what you were saying with your to do list and then putting it on your calendar. I think that's such a great tool because I had a time blindness.
I know it's not something that everybody with ADHD experiences, but mine is really bad. Yours too. And so I'll take a day off of work and I'll say, Well, I'm going to do all these nine things. And to me, the list of nine things that might be excessive, a list of four things, and I say, Oh, there's only four things on my to do list.
I can certainly do all of those things today, not taking into consideration this is a 45 minute task. This is a four hour tap. You know, it's just it's unrealistic. We kind of get into those modes of, well, I can do all of those things. It's it's totally fine. And and then the the day is getting later and later and later.
And we've only done two of the things. So I love that method. I'm going to start trying to do the the Now Not Now list. I think that will really help me too. So thank you for having I have a video training on it. It's like the tool that will get rid of your overwhelm or something like that.
There's a there's a whole video on it. But the time awareness is it's actually not a problem for me now the way it used to be and you can really train your time awareness now I it's been within the past year that I've really like honed in on this, but now like when I'm cooking something I know like my brain's like there's a minute left and I go and I check and there's a minute left, and I'm like, That's amazing.
Like, have had my whole life. But ways I work with clients to train their time, awareness is like, we'll do things like you guys can see that I'll have them use visual timers. I will have them time excuse me, time themselves on how long things take. For example, like the dishes, the laundry, cleaning the bathroom tasks that work.
I will have them time, all of those things. And sometimes we find out things take less time and sometimes we find out they take more time. And that's just good information because what it does is it gets rid of one. If you're thinking things take forever. I used to hate to do the dishes and I would procrastinate and I would put it off.
And now I'm like, That was silly. That was a waste of like a good ten years of making dishes miserable. And it the same thing with the laundry. But in my mind I was like, That's going to take forever. And so I timed it and actually found this like basically ADHD coping mechanism like five years ago at least.
But I'm like, okay, is that true? We we learn to like, ask about coaching. Is that really true? And so I timed how long it took to do the dishes. And the first time it took like an hour. Okay, that is a long time. It was because they were built up and then I'm like, okay, let's time it again.
Oh, it takes 6 minutes to load the dishwasher and 4 minutes to hand-wash. What doesn't go in the dishwasher? It takes 10 minutes to do the dishes. If you just go ahead and do them and you stop thinking it's going to take forever, which makes you feel dread, which makes you not do the dishes and take the action of doing something to avoid doing the dishes.
Right. And I just remember all the years because there's so much shame around this as an adult. I remember all the years of like rotten milk or stinky things in the dishes on the counter because I was just thinking it was going to take forever. And this just not everybody's problem. Some of you probably have the dishes completely under control, but I know it is some of you.
All right. I know some of you are just like me. And now it's just not a problem. It's just like, Oh, there's dishes in the sink. Let's load the dishwasher, wash the dishes. It only takes, like, 10 minutes. I can go switch the laundry while I'm doing that. The laundry I remember. And this shows you how long it I don't know, Oprah still on, right?
But I don't watch TV anymore. But the laundry used to pile up so bad that I would, like, take like, all day to wash it. And then I would dump the loads onto the couch and there'd be this mountain of laundry on the couch. And then I would sit and watch Oprah and fold the laundry. And it was like an hours thing.
It was like it took all day to do it that way. And then I timed it and I'm like, How long does it really take to do the laundry? Oh, if I just do it every day. And this is not everybody's method, but this is mine. If I just put in a load, most days, then it actually takes like 6 minutes to fold it and it takes like 2 minutes to put it in and maybe you need to sort it.
But I have I have coped with my ADHD and got a disorder that I labeled darks whites towels, bedding, you know, like it's it's labeled. So I know where everything goes. And so I don't have to sort it out more than once. And I just put it in, switch it at some point in the day, fold it right then.
Like these are all like things we learn to do for ourselves. But before they were such a problem. But it was just because of our thinking, like I thought it was going to take forever. If you have ADHD and you're procrastinating on something, it's probably because you think it's going to take forever. It's too big, it's too boring, or you're afraid you don't know how to do it.
It's one of those things you looked like you sparked some ideas for you though. Stephanie Yeah, I was going to say I do something similar. I, I have not timed myself to see how long something will take, but I'll kind of gamify my chores. And I know that's something that's very common too. But if I put something in the microwave, like if I'm heating up my coffee or if I'm, I don't know, doing, doing anything else, I will say, okay, I'm going to set a timer for 2 minutes and I'm going to do as much as I can, you know, putting the dishes away or loading the dishwasher or whatever for 2 minutes.
And then it's funny because even if I don't finish and often I do finish because it's a smaller task on purpose, you just feel so good and there's like that little dopamine hit because you're like, Oh, I did something that I really didn't want to do, and I did it quickly. And I didn't sit in the dread like you were saying.
That's so common for us. I just did it. And I didn't think about it in a thought loop over and over and over all day. I just went and did it. And gosh, the way that that feels is so incredible. Something that I used to and I've taught many of my clients this and it it's the same concept is like if you feel like your whole house is a mess, I would set a timer for 10 minutes and just pick a room and then and it's really help to like switch to something different because then it wasn't boring.
And then I was racing against the clock. So it was fun in that way. But I'd set a clock or a timer for 10 minutes. I'd do the kitchen, I'd set a timer for 10 minutes, and I do something in the living room, set a timer for 10 minutes and do something in a bedroom and so on. And so I was switching all around that kept my brain happy.
And then it was only 10 minutes. And then you're so proud of yourself for what you get done in that just small 10 minutes of time. It's crazy, but something I really wanted to talk about. So Stephanie and I both invested in certification for the Life Coach School and you guys, this is a serious investment. Like when I went through in 2020, it was not as much of an investment as it was when Stephanie went through in 2022.
This is like no joke money, guys. Like it's it's and especially when you have ADHD and you're like, Oh, but I've started things before and like, I don't know, like, am I going to I'm going to follow through. It's an investment to the point that you're like, I will follow through. Yes. Yes. And I remember like I had been listening to the Life Coach School podcast for, I don't know, 3 to 4 years at this time and just realizing and I had joined Self Coaching Scholars, which is kind of like my ADHD academy where you get group coaching and you also got 20 minute coaching with like various coaches.
And so I was getting coached through these ways and my ADHD symptoms were improving and it was because I was bringing them my ADHD problems and like my life was getting better and I was happier and like things were just getting better and better. And my husband and and it was like 297 a month for self coaching scholars.
And we were happy to invest in that. And my husband's noticing a difference. And I my relationship with my husband was already good, but it was just getting better and better because I'm learning these concepts of like how we think and how we, you know, how it makes us feel and how it makes us take not take certain actions.
And I'm like, at this time, I'm like, I understand the concept logically, but I don't really know how to coach myself yet. I wasn't there yet, but I kept getting coached and they just kept saying, like so many and they weren't selling the program. You guys like they don't get anything for me signing up. It's just that they knew that when they got certified as a coach, their life like improved that much more.
And I'm not saying you need to go get certified as a coach. This is just this has been our experience. And that's what motivated me, though. And I'm like, you know, someday I think I'd really like to be a coach. Someday. Someday, right? Because I've looked into how much it costs and it's kind of crazy and someday. And so we had purchased our gym and I think we were like in maybe the first year of owning it.
And like I said, it was turnkey as far as like profitable day one. And so that that made some extra funds, you know, and, but, but not so much that we'd just like drop $18,000 on something, you know, something that kind of had an unknown at the end. So I had just like really felt impressed that I needed to go for it.
I needed to go ahead and do certification. And I looked it up and certification started in less than a month, and it only started at certain times. And then you had to wait until it opened up again and I remember we were in the gym working out and my husband was over in the squat rack. I remember this clearly and I was listening to something and I was looking up the information and I walked over to him and I said, I want to do certification, $18,000 investment, you guys.
And he's like, He thought, These are super nice guys. So he's like, Oh, yeah, yeah, of course. You know, he's heard me talk about it before. He's like, Yeah, someday. And I looked at my phone and I looked at him and I'm like, It starts next month. And this an investment, you guys, it's not it's not $18,000 at once at this time it wasn't.
It was like you paid monthly for six months. And so what does that come out to? Like 3000 something a month. So yeah, I'm telling you guys this all for a reason. And Stephanie's story is, is, you know, a little bit different than mine. It has its own unique twist. But I did it and I went into it and I'm like, I commit to just show up like.
And I that is something I tell my clients, like just show up. That's all you have to do for coaching. Just show up and you are going to get what you need out of coaching by just showing up. Now, does that mean you're not going to take action? Course you're going to take action, but if you don't show up, you don't know the actions to take.
If you don't sign up for the coaching, you don't get the actions. And so I tell all my clients in some form just show up. And that's what I said to myself. I'm like, You are just going to show up at your meetings, or every Thursday you're going to show up. They're going to tell you things to do.
You're just going to do what they say to do. And that's what I did. I did really well in certification. I'm really proud of myself of how that went and that investment. I mean, sitting where I'm sitting now, if it had been $40,000, I would have done it like it was worth it. And Stephanie, why don't you tell your experience?
Because you're just kind of funny. Yes. So I think I mentioned a little bit earlier that I was pregnant when I was doing certification, but it was in January of 2022. I think the program started in April of 2022. But I've always been a fan of Karl Lowenthal. A lot of people in the coaching industry know her. She's a powerhouse.
She's incredible and she was my first introduction into coaching it. I backing up it had only been probably a couple of months before January when I was like, Well, let me look into her coaches information. Brooke. Just see what else I can learn. Because, you know, us ADHD people, we are like, I want more, give me more. I'm hungry to learn.
And so I go and I listen to her podcast went to her website and it just happened to be right. Then she was posting about certification. It was up on the site and all of these things and it had never crossed my mind before, probably a few weeks before we actually took this action. But that's so of how our stories are so different.
Like I like simmered for four years and you're like month, months, weeks maybe. And I at that time was not super familiar with Brooke. I just was kind of of the opinion that like if I can learn to regulate my emotions, like I've learned from Cora, oh my gosh, what, what important valuable information that would be. And that was kind of all I was hoping to get out of it at that time, not knowing what I wanted to do as far as being a coach, starting a business, you know, I like, I like I said, well, like I had said before, I kind of go into things before I know the whole map and then
I kind of figure it out as I go, which a lot of us do. It's a very aged, but let's see. So I was, I was pregnant, went on the website, looked to see how much it costs, just, just to get an idea. And I totally misread the information. I thought that it said $3,000 and I said 3000.
Okay, that's not that's not crazy. Well, go talk to my husband, see what he thinks. And he said, Well, absolutely. If that's something that you want to do, let's just go ahead and do it. And so there I was ready to go ahead and pay for it. And no, just kidding. It was, let's see, six months of $3,000.
Wait seven months, seven months. Oh oh, $3,000. And I said, well, I misread that entirely, which is honestly not uncommon for me in my very severely ADHD brain. And so it took a lot longer for because truth be told, if I if I would have read it correctly, the price beforehand, I would not have talked to my husband about it.
You know, we had a baby on the way. We had all these other things going on. We were trying to pay off debt and just kind of get in a better place financially for this coming child. And so I sat in it and thought about it. And he he of course, my husband is very logical and he's like, well, why don't you just wait?
We'll save up the money over the next couple of years and then you can go in a couple of years. And I told him it feels really important to me to do it now, knowing that we have a daughter coming where I need to be the best mother that I can be, and I want to be able to model those things for her about regulating our emotions and dealing with things, you know, having coping mechanisms and all of those things before.
She's three years old or however old she would be at the time. And so it was really important to me to to learn all of the emotional maturity of it, which is something that Brooke goes all into emotional maturity. And we ended it. We swing, we we swung it, we did it. And it honestly, even though I gave birth during certification and was going through the newborn stage and, you know, I was so grateful to have the support of my fellow coaches that were in certification with me.
It was it I think I would have had a very different experience had I not been in that place of working on my emotions. Because, I mean, you know, you've been there all of the things that come up as a new mom and the mom, guilt of different things and just the hormones and all the things. Gosh, you could just have a whole podcast just on that.
But it was a totally different experience than if I would have waited and would have learned those things later in life or later in her life. Really. I had three kids and learn those things later in life, you guys. I came from a family where they yelled and I yelled as a mom like, Oh, you're not listening. Let me say it louder.
And it's so damaging. And it was actually before certification that I figured this out just through diving into these principles about, you know, regulating your emotions and things like that, and about the model and, and our thoughts create our feelings. And it all came to me, and I don't know how old my kids were at this time, but I have not yelled for like many years and it's very, very, very rare, especially at that like I might yell Lake for them to come help me with something or, you know, let me like this.
But this was like yelling at them and what I had learned from learning these concepts of like our thoughts create our feelings. And then I was I was reacting right with yelling. And I thought through the instance, like after it happened. And I'm like, Why did you do that? Not in a non-judgmental way, just in a like being curious about, about it.
Like when you question yourself in a judgmental way, it just shuts everything down. You're just shaming yourself and it just doesn't work. But in coaching and we we teach and we have learned to just get curious about your thoughts. And so I looked at that situation and I'll oftentimes it was like I was homeschooling, right? I homeschooled for like 12 years and my son, the oldest, was so smart about like doing the bare minimum, like he was an A-plus student when he chose to go to school.
But he's too smart because he would figure out, what is the very least I can do till I get this done. And to me, that shows that, like, I felt fear. My fear was you're not going to turn into a functioning adult if you don't learn how to do these things. And that's just one example. It was always something like that, or it was, you know, I just started to realize in every instance that it happened.
I'm scared, Oh, I'm scared. I'm feeling fear and I'm reacting with yelling. And that was like a light switch. You guys like we talk about emotional regulation, like the things that we teach you and things that we've learned sometimes the way it helps your emotional regulation is you're like, I didn't see the thought feeling action loop that was going on because it was just happening so fast.
I couldn't catch it. And that's what would happen. When I would yell, I would instantly regret it. I'd be so upset that I did it and I'd see that they're scared or they're upset or they're whatever. It was never a good result. And just by learning like, okay, I'm thinking this, it's causing fear and I'm yelling like it allowed me to just go, okay, let's just work on our thoughts about the situation.
You don't know that they're not going to turn into functioning human beings if they only do the bare minimum on their math. You don't know that for a fact. You don't know that by your kids being on the computer a they're going to have some terrible problems. Like you don't know that for a fact. And so this just like dispelled a lot of the emotional regulation problems.
I also had these emotional regulation problems in my relationship. Like I would go to like anger like that, Like it was just so quick and my impulse control wasn't there. I tell a funny story about like a chicken, but I've I've told none other videos. I'll tell it real fast. So we have this chicken coop and there's these chickens.
And I bought like a rainbow pack of of eggs. Right. And so there's different colored chickens, and they lay different colored eggs and things like that. Well, we live in the desert, and no matter where you live, like the joke is, what is the chickens favorite thing to do? Die. Like they just they die for no reason at all.
And so when I open the nest boxes and I was collecting eggs and one happened to be in the nest box dead. And I don't like dealing with dead things. I don't I don't like doing that. And so I asked my husband, I'm like, Hey, when you go to work tomorrow, can you get that chicken out of the nest box and get rid of it?
And he's like, Sure, no problem. So the next day I go out to collect the eggs and this chicken, it looks like it had just been pushed into out of the nest box into the coop. And chickens like can't pick up other chickens, right? Like, so, like, what's going on with this? Like, immediately I'm like, why did he not just take the chicken?
Like, why would he push it? And you notice, but I'm curious. Whereas before I would have been like, why doesn't he ever do what I ask him to do? Yeah, why is he being lazy and not just taking the chicken? Like, why can't you just do what I ask? I would have gone there. But because of this work, I immediately got curious and I'm like, Why would you push it?
It was like almost kind of funny. And I'm like, okay, like previous me would have been would have called. Why didn't you take the chicken? I asked you to take the chicken, you know? And I was just like, That's weird. I'll just have to ask him when he gets home. It's like completely different impulse control, a completely different emotional regulation.
And, and he got home, and instead of it being like a confrontation, I was just like, Hey, why did you just push the chicken into the coop instead of taking with you? And he's like, I did take it with me. And I'm like, What? And we went and looked and he we realized there were two chickens of all the chickens in the pack that looked the same.
And I just forgot that fact. And it just happened to be that those two chickens died a day apart. And so it just I tell that story as like an ADHD related thing because it's just I'm shocked how much my impulse control through coaching has improved. I'm shocked how much my emotional regulation has improved because before I just thought thoughts were happening to me and I was just feeling feelings immediately.
But yeah, that was a long, a long chat there and I saw you write down some things. Stephanie What? Yes. And you may have seen my reaction because were you were saying your first reaction is to yell impulse control, all of those things. I was the exact same way until binding. You know, your thought creates your feelings, creates your actions.
And what a mind blowing thought that was, too to be told, hey, you know, you can you can just, like, pick something different to think which to someone who's new to coaching is very like, okay, make me think something new. Sure. Okay. It's that easy. But it's really it's that simple where you can choose a different emotion because of what your what you're thinking.
And instead of choosing anger, you can you can go to a different emotion and the impulse control. So true for me as well. I, I didn't realize until getting diagnosed that a lot of that was related to the ADHD. We we are very like jumping to conclusions, not necessarily jumping to conclusions. You nor you can cut that out.
We're we're very. What am I trying to say here? I know I offer conclusions, but I know I used to jump to conclusions all the time. Yes, Well, and and me too. And of course, I'm not not perfect. This doesn't doesn't ever go away. I don't think it. But it's severely, severely decreased for me because, look, just like you, you can turn that into curiosity and not immediately jump to angry.
You can ask questions and get curious about it and it's it's kind of funny. I always felt like I was a victim of my own brain. I was at the mercy of whatever my brain just decided to do. That's what we were going to do, or think or feel. And through coaching just blew my mind that that's not actually the case at all.
And it's not you're not a victim of your circumstances. You know what's happening around you. It it's all in your brain and you can choose something different. But oh my gosh, the way that that has shown up in my own life too, even without all the additional wonderful value, valuable things that we've learned just the ability to know I can choose something different and create something totally new.
That in itself was worth all of my money per certification in my life. Yeah, Yeah. And I just wanted to share that with you guys about certification because I just want you to understand, like, we're all in, like, we took that step to invest and in our knowledge and in ourselves, and it changed. Like both of us, we're seeking to change, right?
You were seeking to change for your daughter. You were seeing the value. I was being told like, if you think this is good, like, just wait. And so we were willing to make that investment and the investment to work with us is just so much less. And I don't mean that to be like a selling point, but if you can swing investing in yourself, in coaching, if it's not with us, do it with someone.
Do it with someone that understands how to teach you to work on your thinking and change your feelings and help you to take the action that you want to take or stop certain actions that you don't want to take. Like the yelling, for example. I didn't want to do that. I just felt like I had to. I didn't feel like I had a choice.
Yeah, and whatever that is for you, I work with my clients on so many different things, but also like in building that, like, what do you need? Do you need structure? Do you need to stop procrastinating? Do you need help with organization? Don't suffer alone like Stephanie is so smart to have like gone. Okay. I feel like I need to do this before I start a family.
Like here we've. We've started. But let me get started on this before we start a family, because the reason I do what I do, the reason I'm sitting here having this conversation with Stephanie and putting it on the Internet, which is terrifying, you guys just so you know, and I'm showing up here every week and you know why?
It's because you guys comment things like that. So helped me. Thank you. You see me on on here and you book a consult with me and you get on the consult and I can't tell you how many people tell me. They're like, Oh, you're real. What were you expecting? So I finally had to ask somebody. I'm like, Why do people keep saying that?
And they're used to like watching YouTube and like, you know, they just they think of the people on YouTube as like, actresses or whatever or on the podcast if you're listening to the podcast. But the I just wanted to share all this, like the investment that we've made is to say like, don't suffer through. I really felt like, yes, I had a good life.
Yes, I had everything I needed, but I was just suffering and I was like emotionally suffering. I had severe anxiety, I had insomnia. I didn't feel like I was following through on the things that I wanted to follow through on in my life. I just, like, always felt like I should be doing something. Like there was just no peace.
There was no peace, there was no calm. There wasn't room for happiness. I just did a podcast. I think it was the last one before this one, and it was about adding back joy. And that's what I work with, with my clients. Like once I get them all set, I'm like, okay, we're going were organized we're structured, we've got, we've got things going the way we want going Now, how do we have joy back in your life?
And they're ready at that point. But when they come to me, they're overwhelmed and they're anxious and I know exactly how they feel. Because if I could have had a coach like all those years ago, I would have got one immediately. I would have done what Stephanie did, but I didn't even know it was a thing until until like six years ago.
I think I heard of Mel Robbins. It was when she was first on TV, like as a life coach and not her show. This was like way before that. And I'm like, life coach. That's weird. What's that? And now I hear her talk about that and she's like, I was a life coach before people had any idea what it was.
And now ADHD coaching people are like, I didn't know that was the thing. I didn't know you could have an ADHD coach or they don't know what it means, you know? So yeah. What's been your experience with that? Stephanie Yeah, I think for myself and for my clients, it like you said, it, it is an investment in yourself and it's so valuable even to just look at yourself where you are now with your own emotions and your own life and how you function.
Even if you could say, what if in six weeks from now I could be just 10% closer to where I want to be, or 10% less anxious or 10% more authentic and less perfectionistic? It would be worth it. And it was worth it for me to to say, I just want to be better and better at regulating my own emotions for my daughter and coaching really is, I think, similar to therapy in that you get out of it, what you put into it.
It's not a magic fix. It's not going to solve all your problems. But if you do the things, do the exercises, come ready and open and willing to be vulnerable, gosh, it will change your life like it's changed both of our lives. I think you and I both we serving people, that's the most fun part of it is like meeting people and seeing what's going on in your life and how can I help you?
Helping people is like the most fun of the whole thing to me anyway. And even if you could just be 10% better, wouldn't it be worth it? Because gosh, it was for. Yeah, it's it's so funny. I was listening to a book this morning and it was from Donald Miller, and I think it was like the story brand or something like that.
And he was saying, Sorry, my visual timer just went off. But he was saying in that book like, We want to be helpers as humans. And I really want to put something together at some point that helps people get to the point that they're helping. Because sometimes with our ADHD and the overwhelm that comes with it and the anxiety, we're just trying to manage ourselves.
We're just trying to like stay above the water basically, like in the back to lifeguarding. Mr. Worthington That was like our coach for lifeguarding would make us take weights and hold them in the water. So you're in the deep end and you'd have to take away and you hold it and you and basically what he was doing, he's working on or treading.
And so I can trade like nobody's business. So he's like actually the heaviest weight and but my point to that is that's what life felt like. Like I was just I was being weighted down and I was just barely keeping my head above the water. And it's really hard to serve in the way that we are drawn to serve when you feel like your life sometimes and it wasn't, you know, notice for me, it was like a progression.
Like I had to like, get coached and start cleaning things up there and then certification. And then I was like, I can do this. And then I got off my first coaching call and I was like, This is it like, This is it. This is how I help people. This is amazing. I was like, so giddy and so happy and.
Then I went on to a volunteer coach and I stopped counting, volunteering, coaching at like 200 hours. And it was so fun and I was like working with people all over the world. And I say this all the like, it almost sounds like we're like, You guys get coach. Like, get, get not sorry, not get coach, but get certified.
That's not what we're saying. We're just saying like there is such value here and I think we're both very passionate about it. And what I'm going to do is in the description or in the show notes, I'm going to put the link that for Stephanie. If you'd like to work with Stephanie when I put the link, if you'd like to work with me, if you guys if, neither of us are your exact fit, go find someone.
Don't suffer alone, get help. Get even if it's like a group type situation like I have or like other people have, Just don't suffer alone. Like you don't have to do it alone. I just did a podcast here recently that it said I should be able to do it myself. That was my thought for so many years I should be able to do, and I hear it from my clients, should be able to do this myself.
Other people don't have to do this. Other people are keeping their houses clean and their cars clean and they look fine and they're put together. I shouldn't to get help. And the fact was I needed help. And I'm saying this all to say, like, if you are suffering, if you are drowning, get the help you deserve it. And Stephanie, do you have anything in closing?
Yeah, I'm just very true what you were saying. When when we're in our own crap and in our own minds feeling like you said, it's exhausting to try and just keep our heads above water. But because when we do that, we're so focused on ourselves. Because we have nothing else to give to anybody else. I think that also holds us back from living the life like we probably want to have a more authentic life, one centered around our family or career, just seeing the world, just anything like that.
When when it takes up so much time to be so self aware, but in a negative way, in a way that's all about me. It's exhausting. And gosh, this whole journey has led me to live a more authentic to who I really am. And I completely agree with you. If if it's not us, go find someone. It. You really don't have to suffer.
You really can have a totally different outlook on your emotions and your ADHD brain and just go find someone who fits you. It it will change your life if you if you let it. And I want you guys to understand we're reflecting our experience and we're reflecting the experience that we see from our clients. And we are not in any way calling you selfish.
What we're saying is when you suffer in any kind of way, whether it's anxiety or overwhelm or, you know, whatever you're feeling, that's what feels like it's holding you down. You have no choice but to focus on yourself in your life. But I'm I am loving my partner and I am, you know, taking care of my kids. And it's like you are.
But what you don't know is there's a whole nother level. Like once you're not just trying to survive, there's just a whole nother level beyond that. But I am so excited that Stephanie was able to come back for this conversation again, which I really appreciate is. I just get really passionate about these things. And, you know, seven you talked about authenticity, and I've been hearing so much about that lately.
And what I notice is when I have these interview calls, when I have the calls that where I bring on my clients or I bring on like some sort of expert or I bring on another couch, that's when I'm truly me. And I think people see through. Like when I'm teaching, they're like, okay, I see her passion. I see that she cares.
I see that she understands me. But it's these calls where it's like more authentic. And how do you feel about that? Yeah, I, I totally agree with that. It's I think especially when we are so used to asking ourselves and maybe less so for us because we're, you know, we're actively doing the work, but it's it's very easy to be authentic when when you relate so much to someone and what they're going through.
And I don't have to pretend to be somebody else because this person totally gets it and experiences all of the same weird, quirky things that I thought were just me. And yeah, I completely agree. And I really enjoyed talking with you. It's been it's been so great and I've learned so much from you. So I really appreciate you having me on again to get this interview finalized.
And yeah, I just I appreciate you so thank you. Well, thank you for agreeing to it and for coming back where can people find you, Stephanie? You can find me at Stephanie McKeon dot com. So my name is spelled very standard step H and E and my last name is m, c, ke0n and like Michael at the beginning and like Nancy at the end dot com.
And then my is my name Stephanie McKeon dot coach funny enough there's actually an actress in I think she's Irish who has the same name as me. And so if you if you end up on the actress's pages that is not me I'm not an actress and it's even, it's spelled the same way too. But so. Stephanie McKeon, dot coach on Instagram.
Oh, how funny. If you Google my name, which is spelled M&A E, which is really unusual. And then John is very common and but if you Google my name, you'll get some man in Africa like so random. But I've been here long enough that if I've learned to thrive with ADHD everywhere and if you Google my name like all my videos and podcasts and blog posts and stuff will come up.
But we're easy to find you guys if you want to connect with us. We would love that. Leave a comment if like something here resonated with you and we so appreciate that. Sometimes with YouTube and podcasting, honestly, it feels like you're talking into the void. If you can like right on podcast and tell us if something resonated with you.
I think we we told a lot of very vulnerable stories here about our our struggles, our failures and being on the other side of that now. But I just hope it was helpful. That's all I want from these type of episodes is I, I tell my people that are going to come on. I'm like, we're just looking for them to say, I see myself in you.
And she understands me and I'm not alone. And so that's that's the purpose of these. But All right, guys, thank you for for saying with us. Hopefully you're able to hold your attention to the end and if not, that's okay. I'm just I'm I tell my clients and that's how I show up to coaching, too. I'm like, I am going to get something out of this.
I just decide ahead of time. I will always get something out of this and it's always true. So I invite you to think about that. When you come to like these podcasts or these YouTube videos that you're going to get something of value out of it for you. All right. Anything else? Stephanie No, I just so grateful to be here.
So thank you so much. All right. Thank you.